pauly can no longer be found online here, but his face is still on
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I have been a fixture in the Calgary night club scene now for a number of years. I have written many articles and taken literately thousands of pictures for this website (e-pauly.com). I have had a really good run of it, but all good things must come to a end. I have thought a great deal about this over the past weeks, with my 40th birthday coming in the spring... it is time for me to move on and shoot more pool at my local pub than pictures of my favorite nightclub bartenders.
posted on: Oct/14
I was asked recently... "How would I feel if someone looked at my daughter the way I look at women."
I think this question is very interesting. I am going to come at this from a different angle. My awareness of the female flaws puts me in a position where I can attempt to change the cycle of what some woman have put me and other men through.
(and to the women reading this blog, please don't e-mail me... I already know your the exception).
I know for sure that no one will look at my daughter the way I look at women because:
- I love her so much that she will settle for nothing less when she gets involved with someone.
- I will teach her the value in loving that person back just as much.
- I will teach her that her self worth is not determined by the size of the ring on her finger, or the things she owns.
- I will teach her that it is HER job to take care of herself, not a man's job... If she meets the right guy, they can take care of each other.
- She will be a leader, not one of the flock. SHE will be the prize. She is one in a million.
My attitude towards women is partially my fault. I am shallow. I like good looking women. This is the real world folks, the hotter a girl is, the hotter us guy feel about them. I am not the first person to feel this way, so no one will be convincing me that it is a crime anytime soon. Because of this attitude I find myself in a situation where I have shallow short relationships, and I am alone more than I am with someone. I have no problem with that. I am not on a quest for my soul mate. A sole mate would be nice, but so would a blow job; but neither is the point of my existence. I just want to have a smile on my face as much as possible. I will take it anyway I can get it without hurting anyone in the process.
Why?
Because the key to my happiness is not wrapped up in finding Miss Right. Don't get me wrong, if I meet her, I will succumb. But if I don't... what ever. I am happy. I know my daughter sees that I am happy living my life alone and seeing me happy this way will help give her the courage never to settle for anyone less than she deserves in her life.
posted on: Oct/10
posted on: Oct/10
Most of us, at one point or another, take a moment to evaluate our lives and the paths that we have chosen to take. We each do it at different times and with different emphasis. For many of us, hitting a certain age can cause one to stop and take note. This happened to me last spring. I had just hit the big 3-9 and I realized that in less than one year I would be 40 years old. Now, I have been saying and believing that today’s 40 is yesterday’s 30, but I was still a bit shocked at the prospect that I would soon be what I had always considered middle aged.
So in turning 40, I started to think about what that meant. I remember that when my parents turned 40, I thought that it did seem old. Today, I don’t feel like I thought 40 would feel. I certainly don’t feel old; I certainly don’t feel like 20 either! So how am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to act? Do I have to be more serious and mature?
In making the decision about how forty feels, and who I was going to be as a forty year old, I had to first look at who I was and how I currently felt. I am realizing that I am the only one holding me back and that I can have another 40 remarkable years if I let myself. I am beginning to truly believe that age is only a number and that the soul is only as old as you feel. In my research, there are not any hard and fast rules for how 40 acts or thinks or feels. So, I have decided to create my own definition.
I want to go to the park and run with my daughter. I want to swim in the summer and ski in the winter. I want to like myself and the life that I live because I am choosing to do so. I don’t want someone to tell me that I need to act my age, I want them to be envious that I don’t. I am choosing to believe that I am worthy of friendships, love, happiness, and any compliment that someone chooses to offer. I am embracing the fact that I am going to be 40, and I am going to feel great about starting a new page in my book of life. I am choosing to go after what I want and if I don’t get it, I will choose not to let it devastate me. When that happens, I’ll pick myself up and go after something else. I want to feel alive and proud and energized by my family, friends, and my own desire not to be a couch potato. I want to feel like dancin’.
I have never been one to focus much on my looks or to worry much about my style. Don’t get me wrong, I like to look good and stylish, but I am a fairly simple person and have no intention of changing that fact, but turning 40 does make me take a realistic look at the image that I put out into the world. I see this time in my life as an opportunity to possibly recreate myself, or minimally make sure that I am, what I want to keep.
One thing about my image that I know that I don’t want to keep is an extra twenty pounds I have been carrying around. After years of eating whatever I wanted and not making exercise a priority in my life, I realize that not only was I setting a bad example for my daughter, but I was looking pretty dumpy doing it. My birthday made me aware that enough was enough. I needed to take control and make my health a priority and get my weight in check. I did not want to be 40, and 40 pounds overweight. I want to be an active part of my child's life and carrying all this extra poundage around wasn’t allowing me to do that. So, I am changing my lifestyle. It really is about making a total mind change not just a diet change. I make time for exercise.
I am also trying to eat wiser. I still enjoy a good piece of pie, or a chocolate bar, but I savor the smaller amounts that I allow myself to have, and I do it less frequently. I also realize that I can be satisfied with less food. It is easy to say and harder to do, but everyday I renew my commitment to myself and my goals, and so far it is paying off and coming off!
My relationships are another area that I am examining. I need to make sure that those people in my life know how important they are to me. I have a large number of acquaintances, but only a few true and close friends. Those friends have made a huge impact on how I live my life and some of the decisions that I have made over the years. They need to be recognized as the truly important part of whom I am and who I will become.
I AM 40 AND PROUD! I hope that when I turn 60 and start to evaluate my life again, I will look over the previous 20 years and see accomplishments, advancements, and wonderments that are only dreams now. I hope that I see that I was happy with my life, and myself. I want to see that my family and friends continued to bring me joy and completeness, and that I have shared more of myself with them. I hope to see that I have continued to grow personally and professionally and that I have more in my life to be grateful for. And mostly I hope that at 60 I feel as great and proud as I do today!
posted on: Sep/18
posted on: Sep/15
There is nothing funnier to me than a woman who tells me I am wrong about women.
The other night I am talking to one gal pal about how this girl was driving me crazy.
Then I made the statement, "This is the kind of crap that drives me crazy!"
She said, "Most women aren't like that."
Really?!?!
How the would she know?
Does she date women?
Does she have sex with women?
Does she deal with the emotional swings and jealousies of this woman over that woman?
It leaves me thinking, just because you are a women doesn't mean you know a single thing about other women.
I am certain that most women know nothing about other women which is why a lot of women don't have many female friends. They hate each other too. The best part is when a women will tell you she is the "exception to the rule".
I have learned a few things during my life's journey with the opposite sex. There is nothing you can learn from one women that will help you with the next because each of you are crazy in your own unique way!
Another thing is that the more I learn about women, the less I know. All of the new information I acquire leads to more and more questions, just making all of you that much more of a mystery.
So yeah... I know more about women then most women do... And I still know nothing.
posted on: Sep/12
posted on: Sep/11